Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Cops Are Terrible


As reported by the LA Times, the LAPD officers who kicked at the passing bicyclists and then wrestled a camera-holding witness to the ground are now "relieved of field duty" while investigations are launched. It's a small victory, and it came from a small act that represents something happening on a large scale: cops are terrible.

There's a good chance you went to high school with some cops. They were those dudes who grouped together, bonding over their shared love for words like "faggot" and "pussy." But now they're grown up, and somehow they passed enough tests to carry guns around.

A while back, Matt Schwartz and I were caught jaywalking, which is totally illegal. Instead of a simple scolding (or even a citation) from the approaching cops, they sped toward us in their car in an effort to make us believe they'd run us over. When they got out of the car, the two cops were smoking fat cigars, which is exactly what you need to do if you want me to think you're repulsive and assume you spend your free time in strip clubs. They asked for our I.D.

"What's your address?" One asked me.

"It's there, on the card," I said to him. His bleary eyes darted up at mine.

"You being a smart ass? You want to get a ticket for being a smart ass with a cop?"

"No," I stammered, "I really thought that was helpful." I might have even used the word "succinct," because I'm an idiot. "I was just trying to give you a succinct answer, sir."

"Are those cigars?" Matt asked with amazement. Unfortunately, we're both idiots. "You guys are smoking cigars? Really?" We were on the same page; the entire scenario was too trite for us to be certain it was actually happening.

"You can go," the cop said dismissively. Was it because we weren't instantly dazzled by their authority? Or because we found their representation of law enforcement laughably on the nose? We may never know, but one thing's for sure: I wish I had a camera on me.

1 comment:

  1. I'm gonna sound like a broken record, but watch The Wire. For a show that was supposedly pitched as a police procedural, it has some serious contempt for cops. There's one character, Herk, who is a raging asshole that ends up destroying multiple people's lives through his own carelessness.

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