I’m going to go ahead and throw my tuppence in anyway; God knows I love beating horses to death.
Presenting my indiscriminate “Best of 2009” list:
Best Sleeping Position: On your stomach with one arm stretched out under the pillow and the other tucked against your chest, fetus-style.
Best New Fruit Snacks With The Worst Name and Packaging Ever: Florida's Natural Au'some Fruit Stiks. Two questions: 1) Does that strawberry have fangs? 2) Is that orange coming on to me?
Best Spot To Think: At the bottom or top of any long flight of stairs.
Best Place to Propose to Me: In the Enid A. Haupt Garden next to the Downing Urn behind the Smithsonian Castle on a bench facing the carousel on the Mall in Washington, D.C. preferably in October when the cherry blossoms are blooming.
Best New Addition To My Vocabulary: Bejuggle: To outwit by trickery or deception; to cheat. Outrageous impostor! Fool, dotard, oaf! Did he think to bejuggle me with his preposterous gibberish! –From Mardi, by Herman Melville.
Best Texture: Horse nose—it’s like velvet, but softer!
Best Pseudo-Curse: Sweet Honey in the Rock!
Best Quebecois Food Item That America Has Finally Noticed: Poutine. Yes, we’ve had gravy fries for a while, but we’ve been leaving out the cheese curd.
Best Take Away Show: The Tallest Man On Earth does These Days.
Best Awkwardly Phallic Newly Discovered Animal Species: Blind Cave Eel.
Saddest Truth: Oxford American Dictionary’s Word of the Year is Unfriend.