Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Failure Pile in a Sadness Bowl

I've just learned about the KFC Double-Down sandwich, and I must share it with the world.

Does a cheese and bacon sandwich sound good to you? Did I mention it comes with a yellowish condiment of some kind? No, it's not mustard, it's a vague substance called "Colenel Sauce." Still not appetizing? Okay, fine: what if instead of using bread, you used two pieces of fried chicken? Boom. KFC Double-Down.

Let's have a contest: first person to finish eating it without their heart stopping wins!

There's really nothing that hasn't already been said about this sort of thing, but sweet lord do I really want Patton Oswalt to give his thoughts.

Just to add to the overall awe-inspiring nature of this food-type item, the TV commercial profiles a bunch of hungry bros who are sick of all that bread 'n shit on their fuckin' sammiches, yo! Where can I get some food that shows I ain't no pussy?

Your slogan is "unthink?" Hell yeah! Thinking is for dweebs! (Does KFC know that "unthink" means "to dismiss," therefore telling me to ignore their food?)

Even Dennis, the prison guard who got drunk in the hospital waiting room with Don Draper, thinks that this sandwich is the greatest! That's right, I can connect this sandwich back to Don Friggin' Draper, the pinnacle of all manhood! What are we waiting for? Let's eat!

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