Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Sweeping Generalizations About Los Angeles That May Or May Not Be True

  1. If you have no interest in the film industry, then LA has no interest in you.
  2. The Valley is a lot like most of New Jersey, only with palm trees and In-N-Out.  So, slightly better than New Jersey, but basically still a giant strip mall. 
  3. It’s hot.  Inferno hot. Welcome to LA, also known as the eighth circle of hell!  Enjoy stewing in your own juices alongside pimps and panderers. 
  4. On the upside, there are beautiful beaches nearby.  On the downside, if you want to drive anywhere you must first slaughter a bull and make an offering to The Traffic God.  Otherwise, he will make your two-mile journey take two hours and by the time you get to Malibu you will want to hari kari. But everything will be better once you run screaming into the cold Pacific and fall out of your ill-fitting bathing suit and drink some red wine and take a disco nap.

Honest though, I had a great time in LA, but for some reason I'm no good at describing happy events--I'll leave that to David.  Angst is easier; I could talk all day about unrequited love, guilt, spiritual emptiness, ego and unhappiness.  I have a hard time admitting when life is good. Temperamentally I'm more like Matt Chester, who has a wonderful sense of humor but writes post-apocalyptic plays that end in suicide:

"After all, the point of art--like war--is to show people that life is worth living by showing that it isn't."  

Right?  Am I right?

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