Friday, May 8, 2009

Dear J.J. Abrams,

I'm sorry for the things I've said.  I never should have left you, and I think we should get back together.

I know our relationship was never perfect.  Jennifer Garner's curves and my burgeoning hormones weren't enough to keep me interested in Alias, especially after you abandoned it and let Rambaldi zombies feed on its corpse.

I didn't become a Lost fanatic.  I just got tired of running around that island, angrily shouting questions to the sky.  I didn't want to become Patrick McGoohan, okay?

Then you made the big transition to film, and although I was entertained by MI:3, it wasn't exactly the most memorable installment (how many times can face-mask-technology be the twist in these films?  Come on now). 

However, I'm now willing to put all of that completely behind us.  After seeing Star Trek, you've really proven that you know how to make a solid, well-crafted, summer blockbuster.

WARNING - if you're reading this and you're not J.J. Abrams, spoilers ahead.

You made me care about these characters, you kept me on the edge of my seat.  There were sword fights, crazy snow monsters, green alien breasts, and multiple shots of heroes hanging from cliffs.  That's all I've ever wanted from a sci-fi flick.  It's like you're in my head.

You were able to please Trekkies and Newbies alike, and for that very reason this might be the most brilliant franchise reboot since Batman Begins.   You know that the nerds are gonna eat that time-travelling-alternative-universe-shit right up, allowing you to do whatever the hell you want.  It's genius.

I don't know what the critics are saying about Zachary Quinto's interpretation of Spock, but for my money he gave the best performance in the film.  At first, Chris Pine was a little too bro'd-out for me to fully invest in his Kirk (spin-off series: Star Frats), but somehow his roguish charm ultimately won me over.  He's at his best when lunging himself into the fray with a masochistic grin on his face.

Sometimes the humor fell flat - Kirk's bloated hands were a little much (reminiscent of "Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps," never a good comparison to draw), and Scotty zipping through a maze of water-tubes felt out of place.  But I forgive.  The witty banter and one-liners were much more impressive than any of the failed visual gags.

All in all, the film blew me away, and I had an awesome time watching it.  So I've been doing some thinking, J.J.  Thinking about you and me.  About us.  I think we can give this another shot. 

I'm willing to wait in line.  Get back to me soon.




Do I have to start watching Fringe now?  Fuck. 

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