Monday, April 13, 2009

Insult Comic-Cred

I'm in my twenties.  I have a respectable job, an accommodating apartment, an exhilaratingly ambitious future, and a stable and reliable group of friends and family.  So I think I'd like to do what anyone would do at this point, and become an insult comedian.  But there are walls between me and my dream.  Great big poison-bricked walls.  And these walls raise quite a bit of concerns, which I'd like to lay out at this time.  

Firstly, how does one become a well-respected insult comic?  I feel like if I just went for it, it would go something like this:

MC: So now I don't even EAT ginger!  Right?!  Alright, alright, settle down- so our next performer tonight at the Smirk Shack is brand new to the scene, ladies and gentlemen, Matt Schwartz!

Me: Hey, how's everyone doing tonight my name is- Wow, you are a fat audience member. Everyone see this Lard-Bus?  Holy shit, you look like Santa Claus shaved half his beard and put on a muumuu/pant ensemble.  You are just jiggling like it's- You're crying.  Wow I'm so- no wait I- yeah, I can imagine it is impossible growing up as an obese American- no you're right I wouldn't understand.  You have an inner beauty that shines like the sun.  Fuck.

So I guess the question is, how do you get insult comic-cred?  Was there ever a time when Don Rickles had to be careful what he said?  Did Lisa Lampanelli have to ease her way into things? How do you get to the point where you can say the n word like it's Christmas and people just laugh and say "oh it's okay, he doesn't mean it, it's just his thing!  He's mean to everyone yet he doesn't mean any of it!"  Because I'm sure that wasn't always the case for these two performers. 

Not that I want to say the n word like it's Christmas.  Or that I think you should say that word on Christmas.  Or even use that word at all.  Fuck.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Schwartz! I dig this blog; you guys are very insightful. If my music career ever gets off the ground, will you please make fun of me mercilessly? I love to be ripped on (not in the gaseous sense of the word). Hope you're doing well :)

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